A Baby Sleep Solution that Worked for Us
In January 2020, before we knew anything of COVID-19, shelter-in-place, toilet paper shortages, social distancing and mask mandates, I was a really exhausted mom of two. My three and half year old slept like a champ all night, every night, and still napped happily during the day. But my sweet little nine-month old wanted nothing of it. He still woke, wanting to nurse, once or twice every night and often also in the early morning; his actual morning wake-up time was erratic; he adamantly protested naps.
As I said, I was really exhausted. I couldn’t think clearly enough to step back and look at the whole picture. I couldn’t apply the principles in the baby sleep books with enough consistency to make progress. I was waiting for him to figure it out. He was not figuring anything out.
Then one evening, as I was cobbling together something for dinner, my husband returned from a meeting at church. He stood at the kitchen counter and told me all about running into a former classmate from grade school after his meeting.
And then he said the magic words: she used a sleep consultant for both her kids.
Me: Wait, what was that?
He proceeded to explain that this friend found and hired a sleep consultant when her first son was eleven months and still wasn’t sleeping through the night. By his first birthday he was sleeping all night and the rest of his schedule followed a predictable pattern. When her second son was born, she worked with the consultant throughout his newborn months; by 12 weeks he was sleeping through the night and following a predictable schedule.
What?!
I didn’t need to hear more. I asked my husband to please email this friend and get the sleep consultant’s information. I’m pretty sure that email was sent before he even took off his shoes or coat.
Photo credit: Von Rueden Creative @vonruedencreative
A week later I had reviewed the company’s website, selected a senior consultant who seemed like a good fit, completed the free 15-minute intro consultation, filled out the child-parent questionnaire, received the sleep plan during a two-hour phone consultation, and prepared for the first night of our new routine.
Honestly, I expected the worst. The worst would have been hours-long crying at bedtime and at times during the night. We’d tried the old cry-it-out method months earlier, and while parts of it worked it was far from fully effective. Maybe that was user error, who knows.
In reality, Otto fussed and cried for ten minutes and then SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT. The next night he just slept, no fussing, just sleep.
Teaching him to nap was a little trickier. But with two week’s of email support from my consultant, daily reviews of his sleep logs, and persistence on my part, he learned.
The consultant I worked with laid out her plan for teaching my little guy to sleep consistently and predictably. She’d carefully considered the various aspects of our schedule and the sleep needs of a nine month old. She had strategies and suggestions for navigating the trickier aspects of our schedule (i.e. preschool drop off and pick up times that shouldered baby nap times). I had questions; she had answers. I had concerns; she offered solutions. The plan was adaptable to what fit my personality as the mother, and it prioritized the baby’s sleep needs all at once. Sleep cannot be forced on other people, or even ourselves; our bodies must have the skills and sleep needs necessary for extended sleep. Through this process, I learned the boundaries I could reasonably place for encouraging my baby to develop his skills.
It’s been a year since he started sleeping through the night, and every day I’m still thankful that I chose to seek this specific type of help. As the pandemic, social distancing, and extensive time at home raged on throughout 2020 and now into 2021, I’ve told my husband countless times that hiring a sleep consultant was the best money we’ve ever spent on our kids.
Sure, there have been ups and downs throughout the year. Colds and teething have provoked night time wake-ups that require a sip of water or a dose of pain killer. Sometimes a nap is junk and the subsequent exhaustion impacts the night of sleep. But typically within a few sleep cycles things are back to normal. It’s so nice to have a version of normal.
At 21 months, he sleeps about 11 hours each night, wakes gradually in the morning, and naps for 2-2.5 hours each afternoon. It’s more pleasurable than daunting to mother a rested toddler than a tired one. Importantly, I’m also sleeping longer and more consistently, averaging 7-8 hours each night and enjoying a morning routine that begins before my children are up and active.
I understand that sleep training or working with a sleep professional or teaching a sleep schedule doesn’t sit well with everyone. I respect that, and it’s not my business to proclaim a right way for everyone. Additionally, some kids don’t need this level of support; I know this from my experience with my first child, who did, in fact, learn to sleep well all on her own. This process fit us for our second child, and the resulting sleep patterns have led to a calmer, stabler, and happier home.
